Dear Drew

Dear Drew is a project that I'm going to be starting on Thursday evening. I'm going to be writing Drew a letter every day at the time when we would normally talk. It'll tell him about how my day went, and about the things that I'm improving.

There's just something I wish he'd do. He keeps telling me that this is killing him as much as it's killing me. I just wish he would show it. He says he can't. That if he does, this whole thing would fall apart. But I can't stand another night talking with him on the verge of tears while he sits and grins over a note he's writing to his professor. I don't know if I can do it one more night. But that's all I have with him. One. More. Night. I'm going to die these next few weeks. I'm glad I have Martie and Casey here at school. We sit up and play blitz every night, and I love it. They make me laugh so much. Especially when I'm off the computer with Drew and about to cry. I don't think they notice how often I almost cry. I always wait till Martie's asleep before I cry myself to sleep. I SO wish he'd show a LITTLE bit of pain. Why can't he at least show me that he cares? I just wish he'd show a little emotion sometimes.

He doesn't even show it on his blog, which I'm not even supposed to be reading. I wish he would give me something somewhere. After tomorrow I have no idea when i'll hear him say he loves me again. he won't tell me i'm beautiful. he won't touch me if i see him. how am i supposed to tell he loves me if he can't show it? how am i supposed to believe that he cares if he's a freaking statue all the time? I just want him to be honest with me. He's always pressing me to be honest with him, why can't I expect the same from him? whatever.